Home is where the heart is....

Playing in the water...

Maybe the old saying "home is where the heart is" is true? I know that I usually dread going certain places, but when I commit to it and put my heart in it, it always ends up being such a blessing. So I guess where we feel at home, isn't so much a place, but a place of heart. See my parents moved away from the town I grew up in after I had already been away at college for a while, so going back to visit can be difficult and honestly just saddening. However! This time I did my best to allow Jesus to put my heart in the right place, and it's been great! Exactly what my exhausted spirit needed...

After all the "Russia" struggles going on in my heart, I needed nothing more than to be away for a while. Definitely not running away, I faced all the facts, put things in perspective, prayed, and laid things as they were at His feet. And then, I took a much needed vacation :)

My sisters and I traveled up here to Connecticut to visit my parents and little bro for a week. I've only been here for a few days and it's been, well....great! (sorry I'm lacking in creative adjectives) It's been non-stop home-cooked meals (yay!), sun-bathing, hiking, shopping, movie nights, music playing, art making, craft time, and every other family thing we could think of to do together. It's lifted such a weight off my heart to be with my family just hanging out. I should have known the first night I got here, when I laid out on the back patio, star-gazing, and I heard the coyotes howling in the woods, that God was going to do amazing things this week. Yeah so...my dad took the whole day off today and my parents planned an unbelievable day for us...

I woke to the smell of pancakes, my dad made breakfast and we ate on our back patio. Then we hung out, and went to the market and got bread and meat and fresh fruit and packed an amazing picnic lunch and headed to another small town in Connecticut (apparently that's all they have here) to go to this AMAZING waterfall! It has beautiful trees and woods and grassy areas and hiking trails and the most beautiful waterfall that goes up the side of the hill. So we get there and settle in front of the waterfall, we ate lunch, then we just kinda...chilled. My dad and bro went hiking, my mom and Lynz started drawing, and I'm still not sure where Laura went :) But armed with my sketchpad and charcoals, I climbed a ways up the waterfall and started sketching. I was in awe, surrounded by God's presence that way, its the best way to let your spirit rest. I felt so Light. After sketching I went hiking on some trails and met a hippie named Andrew, he plays the Flute, beautifully I must add, and he told me about the waterfall and it's history and he showed me the best swimming spots. So I finally found Laura and you guessed it...we went swimming in the waterfall (more like wadding). It was freezing, but WOW! So beautiful!

So there we were, my family, spending the whole day (without a single fight, woo!) just hanging out, enjoy God's creation together. After all that craziness I decided to get away and be with Jesus for a while. I journaled a little of what I was feeling in those moments...sitting on a log in the woods, listening to Andrew play the flute in the distance, just existing...and I thought I'd share my ramblings with you:

Its peaceful. to be in nature. to be in the presence of God. where labels don't exist, titles have no place, consumerism and society are words that have no meaning and no weight. life is real. pain is felt but out-weighed by beauty and grace. life is abundant. you can feel it, hear it, breathe it, and even taste it. the way the water rushes down like it has a purpose but it's just as wild and free as my spirit. the water itself pronounces His grace. the trees shout His mercy. the rocks sing of His love. Everything from the mighty waterfall to the smallest ant displays His magnificence. here there is hope. there is faith. there is a realness in the earth. to be one with His wholeness. to be caught here, the way creation was meant to be. I feel alive. I feel like who I was created to be. I feel light. I feel Jesus. I feel His song. Its in the air. its all around. it's humming, whistling, singing the most perfect tune and I get to be the melody.

I want to encourage you all, go be. Just exist. Sit in the most remote place you can find. Whether it's a park, the woods, or even if it's your backyard (although I would definitely say go somewhere where you can submerge yourself in nature, but only if you can). Tune out the world for a while and see how He created us to be. See nature for what it is--His presence. Journal your thoughts or just speak them, let the poetry of who He is flow over you and fall in love all over again. It will cleanse your heart, your spirit, your mind and it will put to rest any fears or doubts. I know it did for me. Sometimes all we need is a moment. There are many moments just like that, recorded in Luke and Mark. Jesus went to the Mount of Olives to be with Abba or the time when He was so stressed over what was to happen, He went to Gethsemane and prayed. He went away and spent time in nature with the Father. We should do as Jesus did, in all things, and in this. He showed us the importance of going away, of being in the Fathers presence, and He did this by going into nature. I could go on but regardless, go try it! (Luke 22 & Mark 14)

Russia: I've laid it at His feet, but be praying! There is a person who is willing to pay for most of the trip (whether this summer or next). God is good!

Now go find some woods ;)

Welcome to the world Lainey Claire

Lainey Claire Brossman

There are so many things I want to write about but seeing as how it's almost 4:00 in the morning, I'll keep it brief (and of course write more later) but just so you all know I've had a very enlightening day: a meeting with Mike that always opens my eyes and forces my heart to reconsider things, I started writing a new song :) finally, and I got to talk to one of my best friends and do my two favorite things- encourage & pray. So all in all, it's been a good day. But the best part was visiting my beautiful new "niece". My best friend Tara, just had her second baby girl, making me an "auntie" again, yay! Lainey Claire entered the world yesterday morning and she is already bringing so much joy. So if everyone could be praying for Tara and baby Lainey and their family. For health, joy, and that they would experience all of Jesus' love. That Lainey would grow up knowing the heart of the Father and seeing His love for her.

Uncertainties....

I feel like I've reached the end of the sidewalk

The past few weeks have been rough. I've been up and down. Emotionally drained and just plain exhausted. But it's funny how Jesus uses those times to challenge you and teach you the most. The place I'm at, I'm honestly at a loss for words. I feel like I've been feeling so much, it would be impossible to relay those emotions to anyone. But I'll try to express them as best I can.

I met with a Missionary last week and it was an odd mix of encouragement and disappointment. He wasn't disappointing, just some of the things he said. The wonderful part was that he completely understood my heart for Russia, he was on the same page and gave me such encouragement and constructive information. God blessed me with that insight. The problem was that with that insight came realism. My least favorite thing. FACT: I have to have literally all my money by June 15th, which is coming up quickly ($2,000 & I only have about $250). Not to mention, I have to have all my paper work finished in the next month (the Russians are sticklers for documents) so this is highly unlikely. Also, I need to have solid contacts, places to crash, and travel plans. FACT: I should probably go with some sort of group for a short term trip just so I can learn the country before I do anything on my own. Shew, that's a lot of hard facts. And the hardest of all: I'm crazy if I think I can do all this before August......He did however leave me with the reminder that God can do anything.



After that meeting I was so overwhelmed I couldn't even think about Russia. I just put it aside for a few days so I could sit down and actually process it all. And when I finally did, I completely broke down. If I don't go to Russia this summer, does that make me a failure? Am I disappointing everyone that has helped me and believed in this vision? Am I incapable of completing this task that Jesus asked me to do? Am I too lazy for this vision? Have I not done enough? What more can I do? Where do I even BEGIN? I felt like I was drowning in all these doubts and uncertainties...I felt so helpless. I wish that I could say I had some wonderful revelation and all the doubts floated away but sadly they didn't. Only more thoughts flooded my mind....



I miss my friends. I miss the way things were. I miss late night walks and intentional Jesus talks. I miss bike rides and music sessions. I've disappointed a lot of people. I hurt friends and family. I wonder what I'm going to do when I graduate. What if I fail a class and can't graduate? Why do I feel like everyone around me is running at full speed and I'm just watching them from the sidelines?....



...all of these are completely irrelevant to Russia, but they added to the overwhelming-ness that is my heart at the moment. I want nothing more to write some songs and get it out but I can't even do that because I'm so distracted. Oh Jesus, I need you now. Like You said to the Father, "Remove this cup from me, not what I will but what You will."



No more FACTS, no more DOUBTS, just my HEART, so here it is:



The vision I see for this country is Real. It's the very desire of Jesus' heart. Eliminate doubts, subtract fears, erase hesitations and reality, and you're left with the fact that Jesus is Lord, He is capable of anything and everything. and He is the Lord of my life. Therefore I will believe that He can and will accomplish it. Whether it's this summer, this fall, or next summer, the vision doesn't change, the need in that country doesn't disappear, it only increases. So I pray my heart is made more desperate for this country, that I would strive for Jesus' sake, not my own. Jesus isn't apart of my vision, I am apart of His. Who know's how or when it will happen, but it will. I guess that's why this blog is called Journey to Russia. It's going to be a journey, and certainly not a short one. So all I ask is that you guys would continue to pray for me, for this country, and understand the longing that is in my heart for the Russian people. I believed in the words Jesus gave me when I started on this long road, and I believe in them now, "I know your deeds. Behold, I have set before you an open door that no one can shut." Revelation 3:8





I love you all,

Relax? I can't rememeber how....

Finals are over! Done! I'm a free woman! I'm not really sure what to do with said freedom...run a marathon, travel across country, go bunjee jumping? The possibilities are endless. But for now I will just have to settle for beach chillage. And I'm perfectly okay with that :) I feel like even though I'm done with school, I still haven't had time to relax. All of my friends are graduating in a day and I'm trying to spend as much time with them as possible before they leave me forever...therefore no sleep. But it's definitely worth it.

I'm truly going to miss them all! They are such a phenomenal group of people. They've offered me encouragement, wisdom, and endless amounts of laughter over the years and I'm so devastated to see my support group leave. I would be completely depressed but for an amazing friend who reminded me tonight that time changes circumstances but doesn't affect friendships unless we let it. I truly believe that some of the friendships I have made over the past three years will last forever. I look forward to seeing these friends at my wedding, some of them in it! I look forward to them coming to my graduation next spring and all the future visits we will have. God is so much bigger than time and distance, and I have to remember that He gave me these friendships and He will allow me to maintain them. I could spend hours, days maybe writing each of them individually of how much they mean to me, but I won't for the sake of everyone reading this :) So I will simply say, thank you for your love, your honesty, your wisdom, and for blessing me with the joy of experiencing true friendship. I know you all will do unbelievable things, and I can't wait to see what He has in store for each of you. I truly believe I have the most talented group of friends...granted I may be a bit biast. I love you guys!

I have so much to update you all on Russia but I'm exhausted and I have to be up early. Not to mention I'm still trying to process it all and allow Jesus to enlighten me of what He is doing, so I'll have to give you a real update next blog. I'm praying for you all always!